Mistaken Identity Part 4

It’s been a while but I’ve started receiving email again for another Ryan Andrews. Time to hit the ‘Reply’ button…

Dear Ryan,

I am the Manager of University Collections & Loan Services at Indiana University. Our department assists with the collection of delinquent Bursar debt. As of November 1, 2017, we will begin reporting your delinquent Bursar account to the three major credit bureaus.

In order to avoid having your account reported to the three major credit bureaus (Equifax, Experian and Trans Union), your account will need to be paid in full by the close of business on October 27, 2017. If you make the monthly payments by the due date, you will be reported positively to the credit reporting agencies.

ACH payments can be made via One.IU.edu or on the borrower website – www.uasecho.com. For your convenience, we do accept debit/credit cards at no additional charge to you.

Philip Voorheis | Manager
INDIANA UNIVERSITY | University Collections and Loan Services

Hi Philip,

Thanks so much for your email. I really enjoy getting email as it gives me something to read aside from the news which is very depressing at the moment especially with Donald Trump and Kim Jong-Un going full cold-war crazy on each other. It’s also been sad to read about the hurricanes and storms that have ravaged the Caribbean recently. I have visited the Caribbean on a number of occasions, including Cuba, the Dominican Republic, Jamaica and more recently Barbados when I took my wife away for a surprise holiday for her birthday. We had a lovely time on that beautiful island, have you been there yourself?

Your email, while exciting to receive, was a little out of the blue and just a little bit of a surprise, enough to cause me to give a small exclamation which startled my two infirm and housebound tabby cats, Belinda and Carlisle. You are probably thinking that Carlisle is an odd name for a cat, but I once spent a lovely weekend in this particular Cumbrian town some thirteen years ago and the named just seemed to fit when I collected her from the RSPCA a couple of years later.

Going back to the cause of my surprise, you see, the closest I have ever come to Kokomo, apart from singing along to the well known song by the Beach Boys when it comes onto the radio, television or multitude of streaming music services that we all seem to be signed up to these days, and is coincidentally now stuck in my head as some tortuous earworm, was to drive through Bloomington some years ago when I drove the famous Route 66 in a Jeep Cherokee, a delightful experience at the time which I now look back very fondly on. I would have liked to have done the drive in a typical American muscle car but unfortunately, there wasn’t enough boot space for all of our luggage in the back of a Mustang.

At the time of this trip along the Mother Road I do not believe that I enrolled in any such course at your fine educational institute or indeed applied for, nor was successful in getting a loan to help on the studies which I am definitely not doing. If I was to go back to University, it would definitely be somewhere in England, not somewhere across the Atlantic Ocean, I think The Wife might be a bit upset at the thought of having to move house again!

What I believe has happened here is that your Ryan Christopher Andrews has either inadvertently or spuriously used an incorrect email address when setting up his application for the said loan which is now in arrears with yourselves. I am definitely not the Ryan Andrews that you are looking for .

I would be happy to provide you with a selection of photos taken over the past year which could include various famous landmarks which would be proof enough that I have not been at Indiana Univeristy (“Go Cougars!”) during this time. All I ask for in return is that you remove my email address from the contact details of Ryan Christopher Andrews and then go outside and enjoy the sunshine.

Kind regards and salutations,

Ryan Andrews – but not that one.

Hello Ryan,
Thank you for the informative email. As requested I have removed your email address.
Sorry for the inconvenience.
Regards, Evelyn

You may also like...