Mistaken Identity Part 2

Recently I’ve been receiving a number of emails not intended for me. Somebody somewhere, I’m guessing called Ryan Andrews, has inadvertently used my email address in signing up for websites & services so my inbox is getting cluttered with things that don’t interest me.

I received another email that wasn’t intended for me today…

Thank you for joining us at Indiana University Kokomo for New Student Orientation on Saturday, June 18, 2016. It was a pleasure to have you on campus and we hope your questions or concerns were answered during this visit. Here are a few reminders to help you have a successful start to your first semester at IUK:
Indiana University Kokomo Email

Hello there, how are you today?

There I was, sitting at home and enjoying a Sunday night in front of the TV when suddenly your email popped into my inbox.

“Well fancy that!” I thought to myself. “It looks as though I have managed to travel to Kokomo, IN and taken part in an orientation around the University and all without leaving my home in England.”

I started to wonder how this might have been possible. Had there been a shift in the space-time continuum and a separate ‘me’ had sparked into existence at some fixed point in time and traveled across the Atlantic Ocean with the intention of looking around a campus around a town whose name I have only ever associated with a certain globe-trotting archaeologist famously brought to live by George Lucas and Steven Spielberg and played to perfection by the wonderful Harrison Ford?

Incidentally, did you know that in Raiders of the Lost Ark, Dr Jones was employed by the fictional Marshall College, named after the producer Frank Marshall? There you go, you learn something new every day!

If there hadn’t been this temporal shift in space and time then the only other reason I could think of was that some scoundrel had started to pass himself off as me in a bid to attend the joint 64th ranked university in the United States of America. But then I thought, why would someone want to try and be me, a 41 year old Canadian-born English guy. That would raise all manner of suspicions at a university full of trendy young adults. Unless they were pretending to be a professor?

No, it couldn’t be that. So there must be another reason I concluded. And then it dawned on me that it was the simplest of explanations that had led me to receiving such an email from yourselves. An email I noted in which you advise me to complete a tutorial and “search my student body”, which I initially thought sounded a bit odd, but what you get up to in the privacy of your own homes is your own doing.

And that reason was that somebody had given you an incorrect email address. One that maybe had a hyphen, or a period or underscore added or removed and thus sent your delightful communications to me.

Now that this has been established, I would be grateful if you could remove my electronic-mail address from your database (do you pronounce it dayta-base or darta-base? The correct answer is dayta-base btw!) because as wonderful as it is to read your insightful messages they’re not really for me. I prefer some nice fiction, maybe a Lee Child or Stephen King novel.

if you could let me know that you’ve removed my address from your system that would be great!

Anyway, must dash, got to rescue a kitten from a tree.

Yours, amusingly,

Ryan Andrews
(But not the one that your email was originally intended for)

P.S.I’m blame you for making me sit here singing “Aruba, Jamaica, ooh I wanna take you to Bermuda, Bahama come on pretty mamma…” while writing this email.
P.P.S congratulations on reading this far. I would have given up after the second paragraph!
P.P.P.S go Cougars!!