Mistaken Identity Part 1

Recently I’ve been receiving a number of emails not intended for me. Somebody somewhere, I’m guessing called Ryan Andrews, has inadvertently used my email address in signing up for websites & services so my inbox is getting cluttered with things that don’t interest me.

Now it would be easy just to say “please remove me from your mailing list” but where’s the fun in that…

Dear Member
Unfortunately due to low chemical levels the TPS Pool Will be closed until further notice. We are sorry for any inconvenience caused.

I would also like to inform you due to a school music concert and fireworks display on the evening of Tuesday 28th June all members are asked to access the ground via the back gate if using the Fitness suite, Old Gym and Squash Courts as the main entrance will be blocked off.

Thank you for your continued support.

Kind regards
Faye Edwards

Hi Faye,
While I was saddened to hear about your pool issues (“water shame” I thought to myself!), I would be grateful if you could remove my email address from your mailing list as I am not the intended recipient of this email. Somebody has given you my address by mistake.

Many thanks, and I hope you get the pool issue fixed soon!


Hi Ryan
Your email address is on our member database as you have recently signed up to our fitness. Suite. We would urge you to provide an email address so that you can receive notices and newsletters from us.

Thank you for your prompt response Faye.

However, I have not, nor intend to sign up to your fitness suite. The main reason for this being that I live 190 miles away in the Garden of England that we call Kent. It’s a beautiful part of the country, except for the Isle of Sheppey, which quite frankly is a bit of a hole and should not be visited for fear of catching a disease!

And while I do like driving, sometimes heading out on a sunny Sunday afternoon to enjoy the thrill of the road with the top down and the wind in my hair, both of which take some doing as my car isn’t a convertible and I am bald, I would think it a bit too much to drive all the way down to Taunton to visit a fitness suite when there are multiple gyms and swimming pools all within a few miles radius of where I live. One of which I believe has a heated pool and a slide while another has one of my favourite machines which I tend to spend a lot of time on.

It’s the vending machine!

Anyway, with all this in mind I would be ever so grateful if you could remove my email address from your mailing list, database or whatever system it is that you use for your mailing needs, because as delightful as your messages have been Faye, I have no desire to attend your fitness suite in the near or distant future. However, should I ever find myself down in Taunton, sampling some of the lively cider I believe you have in the area, I may change my mind and pop in to utilise your services. Especially your vending machine, if you have one.

Kind regards,
P.S. Congratulations on getting the pool fixed!

Hi Ryan

No problem at all I will of course remove you from our system and ask the Taunton Version of yourself for his correct email address.

Kind regards